It’s been one of those days where I could type a 12 paragraph entry on how horrible it’s been, but I’m not going to do that. I’ve been in a depressed funk for the longest time and the problem is none other than myself. If I don’t make the effort to be happy, no matter what, then I never will be. Seems I’m always turning over a new leaf, but here I go again, attempting to change my outlook on life.
It just seems like bad things keep happening to me…one after another…and it’s thrown me into this never-ending pity party. I need to stop dwelling on the negative aspects of my life. To talk about them would benefit me greatly, but I’m such an intensely private person I find it very difficult to share my problems with people, even people I’ve known and loved my whole life. It’s a character flaw I need to deal with at some point.
Anyway, I’m determined to make the tone of this blog upbeat, so I’m choosing to talk about the few good things that happened over the weekend. I was fortunate enough to get to take a trip down to see my best friend and my 3 beautiful Godchildren Ava, Jack, and Ruby. Ruby, the baby, gave us quite a scare. Since birth she has been exhibiting the early warning signs of cystic fibrosis. It’s agony knowing the child may have such a horrible disease, especially since the test they use to rule it out can’t be performed until the baby is, in general, a year old due to the test involving testing the child’s sweat. Babies don’t sweat much until they’re a little older. Well they were able to get the sweat they needed and test Ruby. The results are in and they are negative. This means she is a perfectly normal, healthy baby girl. My friend is, of course, beside herself with joy. I’m so relieved I can’t even describe it. They may not be my children but I love them as if they were.
In other news, I’ve been feeling dissatisfied and restless lately. I keep thinking I want to move somewhere else and start over. Make a new life on my own. I’d love to move to Dallas and be in a bigger city with more to offer. More jobs, more opportunities, etc. My problem is, I never talk to anyone about it. I’ll be headed to Dallas for Easter, maybe we will discuss it then. I just know I’m starting to feel claustrophobic here in Little Rock. Like my life is an endless cycle of boring headed toward a dead end. It’s time I had a little adventure. I’m long overdue.
Hope everyone is glad my blog is no longer private. It’s back up and available for all the world to see. I promise to have something more interesting to talk about next time I post!